101 Ways To Annoy Maximum Ride
by GenocideOfColors
Summary: Just what the title says...101 ways to annoy Max! Rated T, only to be safe. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, owner of computer!**

**I wrote this because I was bored (surprise surprise)**

**Edward: Aren't you always bored?**

**Me: Shut-up. Give them the disclaimer.**

**Edward: Genocide doesn't own any of the Maximum Ride characters. They belong to James Patterson.**

**Me: unfortunately, I am not JP. –sighs-****

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**101 WAYS TO ANNOY MAXIMUM RIDE!!

1. Steal Max's cookies

2. Steal Max's cookies, and lock her in a dog crate.

3. Steal Max's cookies, lock her in a dog crate, and eat said cookies in front of her.

4. Sit on Max.

5. In a crowded public place, loudly compare Max to Bella from Twilight.

6. In said crowded place, loudly compare Fang to Edward from Twilight.

7. Dye her hair red in her sleep.

8. Dye her wings hot pink.

9. Sing the Gummy Bear song at the top of your lungs.

10. Every time she eats a chicken nugget, say, "That could be your _cousin_."

11. Every time she tries to take off, scream, "I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the skyyyyy!!"

12. While flying, knock her into Fang, who knocks into Iggy, so the two of them are falling, the sing, "It's rainin' men, hallelujah, it's rainin' men! Amen!"

13. Tell her she can't do something because she's a girl.

14. Tell her she should dress more like a girl.

15. Tell her that her butt looks big.

16. Give Nudge two Redbulls and a bag of sugar and lock her in a room with Max for two hours.

17. Lock Max, Fang, and Sam in a room together and tell them the first one to get Max pregnant gets a million dollars.

18. Lock Max and Fang in a room together with a marriage counselor.

19. Every thirty seconds, scream, "Look! A UFO!" **(It was proven by the Gasman in book two that this did, in fact, annoy Maximum Ride)**

20. Call Fang emo.

21. Make a Fang plushie, and tell everyone it's Max's.

22. Videotape Max and Fang kissing, then hack Fang's blog and post it for the world to see.

23. Say, "Hang on, I gotta go get the emo kid **(Fang)** outta the closet before he starts slitting his wrists again."

24. Ask Fang where his razor blades are.

25. Walk in on Max and Fang kissing.

26. Get her a big, brown stuffed dog and name it Ari.

27. Call her "birdgirl."

28. Kiss Fang.** (It was proven by the Red-Haired Wonder in book two that this does, in fact, annoy Maximum Ride)**

29. Every two minutes, whine, "Are we there yet?"

30. Call her a stupid.

31. Tell her the reason Iggy doesn't have a girlfriend is because he's gay.

32. Tell her that Fang is leaving her for Iggy, because he's gay too.

33. Steal her cell phone (if she has one) and send Fang mushy text messages (If he has a cell.)

34. Reprogram her iPod (if she has one) to play the Barbie Girl song over and over again.

35. Then put superglue on her ear buds, so she can't take them out.

36. The duct tape her to a chair, so she has no choice but to listen to the Barbie girl song forever, until someone rescues her.

37. Flirt with Fang

38. Shave Max's head in her sleep.

39. Superglue her head to her pillow.

40. Put superglue in a lip-gloss tube, and make sure she puts in on right before kissing Fang.

41. Every time you see a pack of pencils, suddenly scream, "ERASERS!"

42. When Max leaps into a fighting stance, laugh and say, "Gotcha!"

43. If she's reading a book, every ten seconds, ask what's happening.

44. Dye your hair red and flirt with Fang **(A/N: kind of like #37, but slightly different.)**

45. Make her give Total a bath.

46. Tell her she nags to much.

47. Trip Max.

48. Accuse her of being pregnant with Fang's baby, and see how she reacts.

49. If she freaks out on you, saying it was an accident, and they didn't mean to, etc, look at her blankly and say, "I was only joking."

50. Make her let Iggy do her make-up.**

* * *

Me: I am truly an evil genius.**

**Edward: Actually, you're kind of scaring me.**

**Me: Good. 'Cause when I'm finished with Max, I'm doing **_**you**_** next.**

**Edward: Oh no.**

**Me: Oh yes! If you want the next fifty ways to annoy Maximum Ride, I'll need ten reviews! So review away, people, don't be shy. If you want to annoy Max some more, review!**

**Max: -appears- YOU HAD BETTER NOT REVIEW!!!!!**

**Me: Ha ha, now I will hold you hostage too! Max, Edward, Edward, Max. Maybe I'll set you two free if I get fifteen reviews…okay, so ten for the continuing fifty ways to annoy Max, fifteen to set Max and Edward free.**

**Max: PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**

**Edward: Yes, review. We want out of here!**

**Me: Muah ha ha ha ha!! -rubs hands together menacingly-**

**R&R PEOPLE! If you have any ideas for more ways to annoy Max, please tell me! I appriciate all help!**

**XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Word To the Public**

**DISCLAIMERS**

**Me: Hello. My name is GenocideOfColor, and I would like to speak to you today about Disclaimers. My friend Angel here is going to tell you more. Angel?**

**Angel: Hi, Genocide. And hello to you people, out there in the world.**

**Me: We'd like to talk about Disclaimers with you today because of some recent discoveries in the news.**

**Angel: Yes. Recently, a certain author… *cough*StephenieMeyer*cough* sued a certain FanFiction writer… *cough*Genocide*cough* for not using a Disclaimer.**

**Me: Uh, yeah. To prevent this from happening to you, we'd like to say: Do your disclaimer!**

**Angel: Yeah! It prevents you from getting your butt sued, like Genocide!**

**Me: Yeah! Wait, huh? Angel! Stick to the script!**

**Director: CUT!!! Angel, what gives? We've been through this and through this! I know you don't like the script, I don't like it either, but you've got to say it the right way!**

**Me: Wait, you don't like the script?**

**Director: Huh? Did I say that?**

**Me: Yes. Ms. Hardwicke, You. Are. Fired.**

**Director: What? Why?!**

**Me: For overusing Robert Pattinson. Get off my set.**

**Director: You can't fire me! I'm Catherine Hardwicke!**

**Me: I just did, Cathy, old pal.**

**Goons: *drag Catherine Hardwicke off set kicking and screaming***

**Me: Well, people, if this has taught you anything, it's not to let Catherine Hardwicke direct your public service announcement. At least Robert wasn't in it…**

**RPattz: What are you talking about? I was an extra.**

**Me: *facepalm* I don't own the Maximum Ride franchise. James Patterson, writer extraordinaire, does. Here's the last fifty-one ways to annoy Max. I might make this an actual story when I'm finished with the list itself, so be waiting for that. Have fun.**

**RPattz: I'm bothered.**

**Me: *facepalm***

* * *

51. Speak only in a "robot" voice. For hours.

52. Reply to everything she says with, "That's what _you_ think."

53. Follow a few paces behind her and every time she touches something, spray it with Lysol for fear of getting the "bird-flu."

54. Set her alarm for three-thirty. In the morning.

55. Wear a cape that says, "Magnificent One."

56. Sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Max just laid an egg…" until she physically restrains you.

57. Inform her that she only exists in your imagination.

58. Ask her if she's a girl or a boy, because you can't tell.

59. Sing the song that never ends during a long flight.

60. "Go Pikachu, go!"

61. Hold her hand and say, "I see dead people…"

62. Every time you're getting chased by Erasers, scream, "The British are coming, the British are coming!"

63. Call her a cow.

64. "Accidentally" call Fang "Fag."

65. In a crowded public place.

66. Before opening a door, grip the knob and sing, "I GOT THE POWA!"

67. Poke her in the forehead, then scream, "POKE OF DOOM!! NOBODY TOUCH HER! SHE'S GOT THE POKE OF DOOOOOM!!!"

68. Do the chicken dance.

69. Walk into a room and yell, "I got the ADULT DIAPERS you anted, Max!"

70. Tell her to poop in mid-air, like a real bird.

71. Pour birdseed all over her food.

72. While she's sleeping, pull some of her secondary feathers out.

73. Then tickle her face with them.

74. Tell her Iggy is in love with her.

75. Ask Total about his opinion on Britney Spears.

76. Then ask Nudge.

77. When they get into a heated discussion about it, ask Max what her opinion is.

78. Fly above her and pretend to count the number of hairs on her head.

79. Out loud.

80. Ask her if she wants a sandwich. If she says yes, scream, "APRIL FOOLS!!!"

81. If she says no, tear up and say, "But my sandwiches are just as good as Iggy's!!"

82. Every time she says something, say, "So is your face!!" Regardless of whether or not it makes sense.

83. Ask in her in a crowded public place if Fang is good in bed.

84. Stand in her way.

85. Constantly.

86. Even when she has to go to the bathroom.

87. Tell her you're naming your cat Fang. Fang the cat.

88. Ask her if she's going to name her and Fang's kid "Tooth."

89. Dare her to push Angel down.

90. Push Angel down yourself.

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**If you want the last ten, you have to review! If I get…five reviews, I will post the last ten. And if I get ten reviews, I'll turn it into an actual story. Power to the People!**

**R&R?**


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